If you’re married, you can probably agree with me, there are going to be problems.

I’m not negative on marriage. Quite the opposite. But with expectations of each other, the addition of children, money issues, different sexual needs and levels of desire, there is no shortage of challenges once we have tied the knot.

I’ve found nobody is immune to the Class 4 rapids, whitewater river raft ride we call marriage.

Many, if not most of us, buy into the American Dream of the big house, the job with the big paycheck and the big life of vacations and the perfect home. Because we can’t help but drag our own baggage into this big new married life, all of the above eventually leads to big problems, big fights and the day when we ask ourselves, “How did I get here?” and “How do I now get out?”

Yet we got into this marriage for a reason…

“I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person.”

For those of us who don’t want to give up on the commitment we already made, it frequently makes sense to get help.

Help with clarity.

Help with communication.

Help with healing.

Help with a unified vision.

Help moving forward together.

Lance and Brandy Salazar are my guests on this episode. They have hit the rocks more times than they can count and were ready to divorce. A frank conversation between Brandy and a friend of hers led Brandy to reconsider the wisdom of divorce. Instead, she talked with Lance and they chose to begin to rebuild their marriage together one step at a time.

They did it! Not only did they do it but Brandy and Lance now help others to build their failing, so-so or even good relationships into what they call Legendary Couples.

This episode was full of honesty, transparency, and SOLUTIONS! If you want to rebuild your marriage, regain trust and be able to rely on each other again or more, the first step is to click on this link and listen to this episode.

For the most part, if we get those positive experiences early in life, we can better learn how to handle the negative moments and experiences later in life.

But what happens if early in life you have experiences that teach you insecurity, that the world isn’t a safe place or that you aren’t loved? You can spend a lifetime feeling like you don’t fit in or you can never have what you want or measure up to those around you. The negative self-talk from those experiences can create handicaps in our lives keeping us away from much of the best parts of life.

Fear, while frequently seen as a negative can actually work to our advantage if used correctly.

Fear, when worked in the positive, can be used to drive us and our lives, away from the negative or harmful and to the positive and helpful. In my own experience, not wanting to be the type of father I had in my youth drove me to make different choices than my father. Choices that helped me to make an experience in my son’s life very different than the one I had growing up. Those choices helped me be the kind of father I wished I had.

My guest this week, Mary Shores is a fine example of overcoming childhood trauma. When I asked her, what helped her overcome the adversity in her own life, she said it wasn’t positive thinking or empowerment. It was straight up fear. Fear of not being able to have the type of life she believed others were having. And that fear came directly from her experiences growing up.

Mary believed she was handicapped to some degree by the circumstances she grew up with. Yet she found a way to use her fear to drive her to success, happiness, and fulfillment. And she did it one step at a time. Growing into a powerful woman, mother, CEO, and author.

Take a listen.

It can be a challenge figuring out business and life.

We are all on a Hero’s Journey as we walk this earth although sometimes it seems as if we are just stumbling along. With ever changing roles and responsibilities in our modern culture here in the United States, transforming ourselves has become a necessity. With technology changes and expectations in a state of flux, it feels like a full-time job just keeping up.

As we change and grow into different roles at work and at home, we have to become a new, upgraded version of ourselves. We literally have to become a new person, leaving behind the older model that can no longer support the latest version of who we are.

I ignored that idea years ago and it turned around and bit me. I accomplished a major goal but didn’t upgrade my skillsets to grow more. I got stuck at that spot and stayed there for years. Eventually I got back on track and the new goals and skills I pursued gave new meaning to my life and what I do each day.

Even if we are conscious about what we are doing, where we are going and how we are going to get there, the external forces of our life and culture can come out of nowhere and blindside us. The complicated issues of men and women and what our natural strengths are is being debated daily across the country.

One thing that can’t be debated is the crisis men are feeling as the roles and responsibilities of men and women are in such a state of flux. Men have not developed the skills of communicating their feelings and sadly, men are 3-4 times more likely to die by suicide than women.

Mental health, be it male or female is something that can’t be overlooked or minimized in this day and age. If you know someone who might be in pain, please reach out to them. If you are in pain, please reach out to someone you can trust. In spite of not wanting to please do reach out anyhow. You are important. You are needed. And if someone knew you were hurting that much, they would want to help you. Reach out.

What if you could develop a Navy Seal Mindset? Who wouldn’t want that? This week we dive into a SEAL mindset with Larry Yatch. Larry is a U.S. Naval Academy graduate who served ten years as a Navy Seal officer. He was medically retired due to battle incurred injuries and is now helping others outside the military to develop a SEAL Mindset in life in order to overcome challenges and succeed in business and life.

Larry offered up amazing ways to get more out of life and about learning how to overcome obstacles, challenges and failures. One of the powerful distinctions Larry made was to consider the words we use can help us or hinder us. That applied to our self-talk or when speaking with another person. That was really just the tip of the iceberg. The entire episode is filled with useful, actionable tools to help you and I become the best version of ourselves.

This episode it helped me to see the idea of persevering so much more clearly and usefully in my own life. Persevering frequently felt like a load I was carrying. Like just trying to make it through the day many times. With the distinction Larry made, persevering now it seems more like an open door, an invitation to rise up and not just endure.

There was a time when my heart was heavy that I didn’t want to be on my path mostly because it was so damn hard.

I didn’t want my son to have to go through with his challenges and his challenges, by extension became my challenges. Looking at the car accident as an event that derailed our destiny wasn’t serving me or Josh. Seeing that event as a destiny that is bringing about a lot of good is way more powerful and useful to Josh and I aw well as the world.

I guess you could say me seeing things differently has caused a change in my heart.  Maybe that is what life is all about. Living, Learning, Growing. Changing towards the positive where we can. Allowing our hearts and minds to change where needed and where we can in turn serve the world and ourselves in a bigger, better, more complete way.

Live. Learn. Love.